Palm Beach Casino, London

Reckoned to be one of the most profitable casinos in the country (outside the “big 6” high roller casinos, who can be the most profitable casino in the country one day and in what the French might call “Le Crique d’excrement” the next after a spanking from a super-whale), the Palm Beach is in fact a stone’s throw from one of those very sites, the Clermont in Berkeley Square.

It’s a rather grand affair, with the first sight you see being a very swanky bar and a very attentive reception team. The bar is in fact a very pleasant spot with a view out onto the street, although the prices are a tad salty – £14 for a large G&T and a half of lager made getting skinned on the tables seem like a back massage. I also really object to getting my change on a silver tray – implying that tipping is welcome – when all drinks already have a 10% service charge levied. Still, this place isn’t really aimed at the likes of me I suspect !

As you wander onto the main floor you go past several slots, and these are state of the art multi game IGT machines. I can kind of understand in a site that makes so much money from the tables that they might not take a chance with anything that might bother the table punters, but they’ve turned the sound off on the slots completely, which makes playing them quite a bit less fun. Still, money talks, and at least they have current tech, along with the standard Genting card payment system (once again, don’t play the slots unless you have your membership card, you can’t cash out without yours or a borrowed “guest” one from the cash desk).

The main gaming floor is a sizeable affair, surrounded by electronic roulette and the rest of the slots. Table minimums are pretty high as you would expect, but the ambience is really very pleasant – it’s a tropical sort of a theme, with a palm tree style chandelier and several palm trees illuminated around the floor. I say illuminated – the uplighters must be some sort of anti-Luftwaffe surplus from the 1940s, I foolishly looked down into one and was half blinded for a half hour …. Not recommended.

One bonus you get from a semi-high end operation is service – we had reason to interact with the team about a free glass of champagne (comes with a voucher for your second visit) and we’d messed up how to sign up for it. The team member just made it all happen for us while we were sat playing, very impressive. When that same glass was probably about 12 quid, getting the free thing sorted was definitely worth bothering with ….